Routine
by zhoubendan
Summary: Link and Zelda have their typical day fending off smalltime evildoers who have barely managed to scrape up money for an evil hideout. Something seems a little different about this villain, though...


It's short story (i.e. style fixing) time!

Disclaimer: Author not own Zelda! Here, law-man, fetch!

Routine

"Link, Link! Wake up already! Don't make me have to use the bucket again!"

-

Zelda yawned as she ever so slowly rose from her dormant position, wiping the sleep from her eyes with a careless flick of her slender hand. She had had yet another dream of villainy and justice, of a battle between good and evil… _That_ meant that she would be kidnapped. Again. Resigning herself to fate, she washed up with practiced hands, soaking in the wooden tub for as long as she could before her tutors would call on her.

-

Groaning, stumbling out of bed only to fall back into its sweet, sweet embrace, Link lifted an eyelid. In the corner of his eye was a bemused, but hyper Saria. He didn't understand how the girl could be so damn _perky_… And yes, he had had yet another prophetic dream. Oh boy. Slipping on his clothes, he opened his mouth to say

-

"Impa, would you please hold the tutors away? I have a feeling that another prophecy is coming, and I need to 'prepare,'" Zelda said with near-seriousness.

Impa snorted. As if Zelda would ever get a monarch's education at this rate; why, even that girl Ruto knew more about politics than the Princess! "I'm sure that your time is too valuable to waste away reading some silly book or mucking around with the townsfolk," she drolly stated, "and you have quite a bit of catching up to do."

-

"But I want to sleep! Goddesses know I need it, since I'm going to have to save Zelda again!"

"No buts, mister, _we're_ going to the Great Deku Tree today. You should consider it to be an honor!" Saria neglected to mention that they had been to the guardian of the forest's hollow at least five times in the last week, which probably a record for any Kokiri.

-

Sitting primly in her waiting room, Zelda wondered if she would have to trek to the library again. Sure, the tomes were filled with wonderful, _magnificent_ information, but some of the books' writers did not have the most beautiful prose, to say the least. Also, it was a really long walk. But mostly, it was boring.

At length her tutor for diplomatic relations entered. "I bid you good morn, princess,"

"And good morn to you too, Sir Fally,"

"To day we will be covering relations between Hyrule and…"At this point Zelda tuned out of his lecture, figuring she could learn in twenty minutes what would take her tutor an hour and a half to drone on about. She was usually right on that, although she also didn't have much time for reading after 'learning,' eating, sleeping (and she slept quite a lot – most evil villains didn't let her sleep while waiting for Link), and of course, bothering Impa. She let out a small grin thinking of her next plan to annoy Impa. This one would be the best yet…

-

Link trudged into the Great Deku Tree's hollow a full minute after Saria arrived. Saria was sitting on the grass before the awesome plant, holding an impatient look on her face.

"Link, thou hast arrived! Listen, and listen well!" Every sentence, every word of the tree echoed and boomed throughout the clearing; some Kokiri were used to waking up to it by now. "A manipulative miscreant has plotted to kidnap and ransom the princess Zelda of Hyrule in order to further his plots! If thou wilt undertake the task of defeating this vile villain, Hyrule shall be saved!

The Hero of Time rolled his eyes, and managed a sarcastic "I will, Great Deku Tree, for it is my duty to defend the good people of Hyrule."

"Thou might find the malefactor in the Bog of Boredom, located on the southwestern shore of Lake Hylia. His domain includes the fearsome and temperate Tenement of Tranquility, and at his command is the Scepter of Sleeping. Now, go! Rescue the fair princess!"

Link nodded and got up. Slowly walking out of the glade, Link reached his tree house. Gathering up his weapons, he sighed. "I wonder what kind of villain I'll be facing _this_ time."

-

Zelda let out a miniscule yawn. Sir Fally did not even notice, blathering on about how Hylian-Terminian relations had deteriorated over the past fifty years. She wondered what kind of villain would kidnap her _this_ time. Hopefully he would at least be handsome. Her nose wrinkled in disgust in remembrance of Ganondorf. He may have been appalling, but his alternate form, Ganon, was awful beyond description. Perhaps the kidnapper would not even have a gender… She shuddered to think that it would be as amorphous as Morpha.

Suddenly, and without warning (although it was expected to happen any time soon), the nearest window shattered. A dark figure floated into the room. "Princess Zelda, you will come with me! I am the Dark Lord (Why did so many of these villains refer to themselves as the "Dark Lord?" Zelda rolled her eyes discreetly, so as not to harm the man's huge ego) Shrub!

Zelda's tutor cowered in the corner, as always. "Well, at least he isn't so bad looking," Zelda thought, eyes traveling over the antihero, "with that handsome face, magnificent mustachio, and classy cloak; why, if he weren't trying to kidnap me, I might even deign to like him! Although… Why is his name Shrub?"

As per usual, Zelda casually put her hands up so that the villain could lead her away. Zeudieadu pulled a strange rod out from beneath his cloak, and pointed it at her. The princess slowly slumped to the floor in deep sleep. So, off the strange pair glided as the self-styled Dark Lord retreated to his lair to better prepare for the Hero.

-

Link pulled out his Ocarina. Pausing to glance at its brilliant color, he placed the mouthpiece to his lips and blew. Out came the peaceful Serenade of Water, and he disappeared in a haze of light, only to reappear in the center of Lake Hylia, Hyrule's largest body of water. Playing one more song, Link summoned Epona, his trusty steed.

Urging Epona onwards, Link consulted his inner map. It was very useful when he went to a new lair, as he could interpret very vague directions given by pesky townspeople upon consulting it. He guided Epona a bit to the left. He would be at the other side of the lake in two hours, give or take; the sun had not yet reached its noonday position, so there was no hurry. The Hero of Time cringed as he imagined what Zelda would do if he didn't get her home by dinner-time; she would probably order him to go out to the fair with her. Make no mistakes; Link did not have very many good memories of times spent at fairs. He shuddered as he remembered the face of the falling moon above Termina.

-

Meanwhile, Zelda settled into her disturbingly uncomfortable-looking cell. Did her captor not know of the correct way to treat a member of the royal family of Hyrule, the most powerful nation on Din's red earth? She sighed as she realized that this villain was actually going to be somewhat of a challenge for Link. "Oh well," she thought, "at least he will not complain of boredom as much…"

"H-how do you like your quarters? Do they suit your needs, p-princess?" Zeudieadu's sniveling little toad of a jail keep was not very easy on the eyes, but at least it (Zelda wondered if the thing even had possession of a gender, but she did not really care to know) was quite funny, if in an unintentional manner. She tried not to laugh, steeled herself, and was barely able to prevent a golden cascade of laughter from spilling from her lips.

"They are quite suitable, dungeon master. However, I would like to know of thine master's whereabouts. Perhaps you could lead me to him?"

The short thing made an effort to bow, nearly falling over in its effort to make courtesy to the princess. "N-n-no, I cannot do that, your Grace. I can summon him, if you like."

"Very well, then. Please do so." Zelda was curious as to how the thing was going to do so; perhaps she would get a chance to get a feel for the security of her location.

To the princess' dismay, an oddly streamlined, yet clumsy bat flew in. The jail keep told it something in a language she could not make out; it sounded like he was shouting "Apple pie pudding sconce butter cream honey. Raspberry!" Out the bat flew, taking its odd message with it.

-

Link was dozing off. In all surety, that was not the wisest thing to be doing on a horse several times heavier than he was, "But boys need their sleep", he reasoned to himself. Falling asleep to Epona's steady rhythm was easy; in fact, it had become a habit to take naps on Epona every day Zelda was kidnapped. It just felt… right.

Link softly snored, much to the continued amusement of Epona. Link would oft have the strangest of dreams, as if he were a sailor, or an explorer. Perhaps they were in another life.

-

Shrub stormed into the dungeons with a fiery look in his eyes. "Why hast thou summoned me, minion of mine?"

The cowering creature before him struggled to reply. Once the words came out of his mouth, however, they were a bit less clumsy. "M-m-m-master! The princess asked for me to summon your lordship!

"Is that so, your Grace?" The towering man turned to look at his new captive.

"Why, yes, it is the truth, messer Shrub. I was wondering if thou couldst, perchance, release me? We would indeed be pleased if that could be arranged."

"No. I'm afraid that is out of the question. I wish to see whether this 'Hero of Time' is any sort of threat. You are the bait I require." With that question answered, the Dark Lord Shrub spun out of the dank basement of the Tower.

-

Link was nudged awake from his sleep by a snickering Epona. "What are you laughing at, girl? We're here on time…" As he said this, the Hero of Time looked up to see that the sun was already in a late afternoon position. That would probably explain why he was off of Epona's back, and why he had had a great nap. "…Oh. Well, Zelda is probably none too happy with me. I should probably be off." Epona's gentle, but amused neighing followed him as he walked up to the door.

-

"Where is Link? He ought to have gotten me out of here by now! I hope he didn't actually get set back by such an idiotic villain!" Zelda thought with an equal mix of amusement, annoyance, and fear. "Perhaps the Great Deku Tree gave him the wrong directions, or he slept in again…" She sighed at that thought, and kept looking at one particularly interesting stone on the wall. Come to think of it, it was sort of glossy. It was odd for a stone to be so shiny, and yet still have that dull, grey colour.

She _pressed _the stone. It sank in, and it must have triggered something, because it knocked her out. The princess' last thought before falling unconscious was that at least she wouldn't have to be awake while waiting for that boy.

Author's Note: Please help me with the period language, it needs quite a bit of work. I decided to do a somewhat light-hearted story to clear my mind over the summer. I don't know when I can update, because I'll be pretty busy… Reviews help, though!


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